I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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