it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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