She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just invented taco cereal.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
