So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
