no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
