Already got asked if we're dating
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
