Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
