In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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