I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
