Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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