we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Randomize
