My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
