Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
