my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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