"it" just moved
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
