the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
