I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
