What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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