sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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