someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
