I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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