There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
