Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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