The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
