VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
