now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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