I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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