Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
