And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
