I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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