Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
