I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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