I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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