If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
