I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
