this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
