Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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