He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
