i just made my gag reflex go away.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
