I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
