I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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