Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
