btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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