zippers are such a cool invention
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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