I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
