i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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