I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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