white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
