do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
