my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
