Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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