i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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