i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
