I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
