Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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