Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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