I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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