why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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