please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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