24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
