Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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