Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
