Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
